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In other words, you don’t do what you want because, on the level of felt experience, it contradicts the self-image that has formed in you under the influence of society’s structure. Whereas by nature, you are predisposed to something else.
During a crisis, there is no self-sabotage*: as soon as your circumstances risk dropping below the minimum you can tolerate, you immediately do everything you can just to keep your self-image from collapsing.

*Except in situations where the circumstances are so severe that the person has no ability to recover even minimally: prolonged depersonalization, depression, etc.

Therefore: