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What I do as soon as I see that:
- I don’t like my state (apathy, anxiety, worse memory, it’s hard to focus, I don’t want anything, I don’t feel anything, etc.);
- I want to improve my life / results in the shortest time possible;
- I’m on the way to a crisis or already there.
This strategy works for me in absolutely any case:
- with sudden stress (plans fall apart; some trigger brings up difficult feelings; I need to go through a lot of major rethinking in a short time without losing it; etc.);
- and with stress that has built up over the past days, months, or years (“how much longer do I have to carry this?”, “I don’t want anything,” “I’m exhausted AF,” “I don’t even have the energy to do nothing,” etc.).
*If, because of how difficult the circumstances are, there is no way to recover 100%, then I repeat steps of the algorithm at a pace that feels comfortable for me.
- I don’t like my state (apathy, anxiety, worse memory, it’s hard to focus, I don’t want anything, I don’t feel anything, etc.);
- I want to improve my life / results in the shortest time possible;
- I’m on the way to a crisis or already there.
This strategy works for me in absolutely any case:
- with sudden stress (plans fall apart; some trigger brings up difficult feelings; I need to go through a lot of major rethinking in a short time without losing it; etc.);
- and with stress that has built up over the past days, months, or years (“how much longer do I have to carry this?”, “I don’t want anything,” “I’m exhausted AF,” “I don’t even have the energy to do nothing,” etc.).
*If, because of how difficult the circumstances are, there is no way to recover 100%, then I repeat steps of the algorithm at a pace that feels comfortable for me.
1
If I see that my state has dropped, then the first thing that matters to me is preventing the situation from getting worse:
- if talking to someone starts to feel uncomfortable, I distance myself from that person in proportion to how much my state has worsened;
- if someone is annoying online, then it is “don’t disturb” / restrict / block;
- if the harm is coming from contact with someone close to me, then I say what exactly did not feel right to me.
*If it is hard for me to tell in the moment what exactly affected me, then I say that. The way the person responds gives me immediate context: either after taking some time to think, I will be able to talk through what happened; or the person is not actually that close anymore :));
- if I notice that my state is getting worse while I’m out and I don’t understand why, I go home or somewhere else, depending on what I prefer at that moment;
- if the process itself is irritating me, I pause it;
- if I’m irritated by how things currently are or I don’t understand why my state has worsened, then I move on to the next steps of the algorithm.
My main focus is my state. Ignoring what I’m experiencing is taboo.
Because the context in which something happens is not only what I see in front of me. It is also the way my past has left its mark on me. And if my reaction goes beyond how I want to behave, I try even more to direct all my attention toward helping myself rather than reinforcing destructive thought patterns.
That is why:
- under no circumstances will I try to convince myself that “everything is fine, there is nothing to worry about”;
- I don’t play “fake it till you make it” by forcing myself to stay in destructive discomfort in order to “change my future reactions”;
- I block destructive thought patterns like “it is only a little unpleasant, nothing serious / I will get used to it in a second / it will be over soon anyway, etc.”;
- I’m not interested in what anyone might think of me – “it would be awkward to leave now”;
- etc.
- if talking to someone starts to feel uncomfortable, I distance myself from that person in proportion to how much my state has worsened;
- if someone is annoying online, then it is “don’t disturb” / restrict / block;
- if the harm is coming from contact with someone close to me, then I say what exactly did not feel right to me.
*If it is hard for me to tell in the moment what exactly affected me, then I say that. The way the person responds gives me immediate context: either after taking some time to think, I will be able to talk through what happened; or the person is not actually that close anymore :));
- if I notice that my state is getting worse while I’m out and I don’t understand why, I go home or somewhere else, depending on what I prefer at that moment;
- if the process itself is irritating me, I pause it;
- if I’m irritated by how things currently are or I don’t understand why my state has worsened, then I move on to the next steps of the algorithm.
My main focus is my state. Ignoring what I’m experiencing is taboo.
Because the context in which something happens is not only what I see in front of me. It is also the way my past has left its mark on me. And if my reaction goes beyond how I want to behave, I try even more to direct all my attention toward helping myself rather than reinforcing destructive thought patterns.
That is why:
- under no circumstances will I try to convince myself that “everything is fine, there is nothing to worry about”;
- I don’t play “fake it till you make it” by forcing myself to stay in destructive discomfort in order to “change my future reactions”;
- I block destructive thought patterns like “it is only a little unpleasant, nothing serious / I will get used to it in a second / it will be over soon anyway, etc.”;
- I’m not interested in what anyone might think of me – “it would be awkward to leave now”;
- etc.
2
Under stress, perception goes back to old patterns depending on how destructive the current situation is.
So even if:
- I don’t notice thoughts related to “guilt,” “where did I make a mistake?” etc.
- or I try to speed up / skip this step because “yes, yes, I remember”,
I still remind myself that I’m not the cause of the pain I’m feeling until there is a matching unconscious feeling.
So even if:
- I don’t notice thoughts related to “guilt,” “where did I make a mistake?” etc.
- or I try to speed up / skip this step because “yes, yes, I remember”,
I still remind myself that I’m not the cause of the pain I’m feeling until there is a matching unconscious feeling.
3
I explained this in more detail here: evaluations, guilt, categorization, comparing oneself to oneself.
I reject these categories of thinking not only under stress, but in general.
I reject these categories of thinking not only under stress, but in general.
4
First, you put out the fire, and only then look for the cause.
Otherwise:
- you risk yourself;
- more will burn down;
- in the end, it will no longer be a small flame, but a full fire. And the longer it is delayed, the more material and non-material resources it will take to deal with it.
Second, analysis in a state of stress makes no sense.
Because the more stress there is, the less energy and attention are available for the analysis itself. In other words, the risk of choosing a less beneficial decision is higher.
Which specific questions I don’t allow:
- analyzing why something happened;
- what to do about it in the future;
- why I had this reaction;
- etc.
Exception – recording insights.
No matter what state I’m in, if I notice that my perception of an important question has become clearer, I write it down right away.
This is not intentional analysis, but more like “it clicked” / intuition. When the current situation turned out to be the missing experience needed to finally come to some conclusion – the feeling that the puzzle came together. This is more about the general level of perception – the connection between this situation and some others.
In my case, this works like a sedative. Because the deeper I see the context, the more precisely I can define the most beneficial decisions.
But in a state of stress, I don’t let myself keep processing the context that worsens my state.
Otherwise:
- you risk yourself;
- more will burn down;
- in the end, it will no longer be a small flame, but a full fire. And the longer it is delayed, the more material and non-material resources it will take to deal with it.
Second, analysis in a state of stress makes no sense.
Because the more stress there is, the less energy and attention are available for the analysis itself. In other words, the risk of choosing a less beneficial decision is higher.
Which specific questions I don’t allow:
- analyzing why something happened;
- what to do about it in the future;
- why I had this reaction;
- etc.
Exception – recording insights.
No matter what state I’m in, if I notice that my perception of an important question has become clearer, I write it down right away.
This is not intentional analysis, but more like “it clicked” / intuition. When the current situation turned out to be the missing experience needed to finally come to some conclusion – the feeling that the puzzle came together. This is more about the general level of perception – the connection between this situation and some others.
In my case, this works like a sedative. Because the deeper I see the context, the more precisely I can define the most beneficial decisions.
But in a state of stress, I don’t let myself keep processing the context that worsens my state.
5
1. Key circumstances (where, when, etc.);
2. What may have been the actual trigger;
3. How intensely I am experiencing stress and in what way.
But if I see that I am being overwhelmed by stress (including being tired), I immediately go rest. The context gets written down at the first opportunity afterward or during recovery, with a note that the entry was made after X amount of time.
Due to the risk of distorting the perception of past experiences to one degree or another.
2. What may have been the actual trigger;
3. How intensely I am experiencing stress and in what way.
But if I see that I am being overwhelmed by stress (including being tired), I immediately go rest. The context gets written down at the first opportunity afterward or during recovery, with a note that the entry was made after X amount of time.
Due to the risk of distorting the perception of past experiences to one degree or another.
6
I keep a map of actions that have helped me recover before, so that in a moment of stress I do not have to think too much and can just choose the best options based on my current energy level.
If my energy is 0–3/10
I choose the most passive actions: sleeping, lying in bed and rewatching my favorite cartoons and films, deep breathing, stretching, etc.
If my energy is 4–7/10
I do light tasks where I do not need to think much: walking, working out, cleaning, deleting unnecessary photos, etc.
+ I remind myself that the focus is not on productivity, but on recovery.
I choose the most passive actions: sleeping, lying in bed and rewatching my favorite cartoons and films, deep breathing, stretching, etc.
If my energy is 4–7/10
I do light tasks where I do not need to think much: walking, working out, cleaning, deleting unnecessary photos, etc.
+ I remind myself that the focus is not on productivity, but on recovery.
7
When working with self-sabotage, I deal with tasks in order, from the easiest to the most sabotaged.
Because each next task I complete reduces the overall amount of stress, which makes it possible to close tasks faster and with less cost in total.
In addition, this strategy also helps reduce all future self-sabotage to a minimum (including the results of self-sabotage: pain, stress, crises, apathy, dissociation, etc.).
What to do if you have zero ideas about which actions you sabotage?
1. Look at pictures on pinterest or somewhere else and choose the ones that resonate the most.
2. Find the common patterns between them.
3. Complete several tasks in these directions and see if the state improves (to understand whether this direction is yours or not).
4. Repeat steps 1–3 until your self-understanding becomes as precise as possible.
If it is hard to understand what resonates with you, then work on restoring sensitivity:
1. Free up energy for the ability to feel – reduce stress.
For example, clean up your social circle, build a basic constructive routine: sleep before 23:00–00:00, 10k steps, etc.
2. Learn self-understanding through simpler desires and observe changes in the state (how much something fits / does not fit):
- what exactly do I want to eat? what foods do I like? what else have I not tried?
- when do I feel cold / hot?
- what lighting is most comfortable for me and in which scenarios?
- etc.
3. After that, move on to the more complex search described above.
Because each next task I complete reduces the overall amount of stress, which makes it possible to close tasks faster and with less cost in total.
In addition, this strategy also helps reduce all future self-sabotage to a minimum (including the results of self-sabotage: pain, stress, crises, apathy, dissociation, etc.).
What to do if you have zero ideas about which actions you sabotage?
1. Look at pictures on pinterest or somewhere else and choose the ones that resonate the most.
2. Find the common patterns between them.
3. Complete several tasks in these directions and see if the state improves (to understand whether this direction is yours or not).
4. Repeat steps 1–3 until your self-understanding becomes as precise as possible.
If it is hard to understand what resonates with you, then work on restoring sensitivity:
1. Free up energy for the ability to feel – reduce stress.
For example, clean up your social circle, build a basic constructive routine: sleep before 23:00–00:00, 10k steps, etc.
2. Learn self-understanding through simpler desires and observe changes in the state (how much something fits / does not fit):
- what exactly do I want to eat? what foods do I like? what else have I not tried?
- when do I feel cold / hot?
- what lighting is most comfortable for me and in which scenarios?
- etc.
3. After that, move on to the more complex search described above.