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In other words, you don’t do what you want because, on the level of felt experience, it contradicts the self-image that has formed in you under the influence of society’s structure. Whereas by nature, you are predisposed to something else.
During a crisis, there is no self-sabotage*: as soon as your circumstances risk dropping below the minimum you can tolerate, you immediately do everything you can just to keep your self-image from collapsing.
*Except in situations where the circumstances are so severe that the person has no ability to recover even minimally: prolonged depersonalization, depression, etc.
Therefore:
*Except in situations where the circumstances are so severe that the person has no ability to recover even minimally: prolonged depersonalization, depression, etc.
Therefore:
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Self-sabotage is a sign of a distorted self-image, so the goal is to:
move from the position of a captain / control:
- “I need to do this task”;
- “I have to stick to this routine”
- etc.
to the position of an observer / helper:
- “how pleasant / unpleasant was this for me?”
- “does my routine give me the maximum amount of energy?”
- etc.
When there is no contradiction with yourself – neither internally (beliefs about yourself and about life) nor externally (your apartment, routine, etc.) – then it does not exist at the level of actions either.
move from the position of a captain / control:
- “I need to do this task”;
- “I have to stick to this routine”
- etc.
to the position of an observer / helper:
- “how pleasant / unpleasant was this for me?”
- “does my routine give me the maximum amount of energy?”
- etc.
When there is no contradiction with yourself – neither internally (beliefs about yourself and about life) nor externally (your apartment, routine, etc.) – then it does not exist at the level of actions either.
1
Because any choice that brought you into not want (-state) shows that, consciously and / or unconsciously, you went against your want (+state).
Exception:
Unforeseen situations, and situations that require going through pain now in order to avoid even more pain in the future (set a bone; letting go of a close person when your paths no longer align, etc.).
Self-sabotage is avoiding change, being unable to notice the problem, etc.
Exception:
Unforeseen situations, and situations that require going through pain now in order to avoid even more pain in the future (set a bone; letting go of a close person when your paths no longer align, etc.).
Self-sabotage is avoiding change, being unable to notice the problem, etc.
1
2
The exception is crises caused by an unexpected worsening of circumstances.
0% – a new project idea comes up, and you really like it → get scared of the risks;
30% – your current work starts taking more energy than it gives back → still keep doing the same tasks;
100% – your current line of work is practically dead because you have 0 energy and no desire to do it → I don’t want this kind of life, so what do I want? → that project I first thought about six months ago → go do it
The same scenario applies to communication with someone, health, etc.
Therefore:
0% – a new project idea comes up, and you really like it → get scared of the risks;
30% – your current work starts taking more energy than it gives back → still keep doing the same tasks;
100% – your current line of work is practically dead because you have 0 energy and no desire to do it → I don’t want this kind of life, so what do I want? → that project I first thought about six months ago → go do it
The same scenario applies to communication with someone, health, etc.
Therefore:
1
To check whether it is distorted infatuation, you can go straight to the second question.
Self-sabotage is a state in which stress makes it harder to see the situation clearly.
To reduce the risk of an unfavorable decision, you can make your choice based on your future state by asking yourself the following questions:
1. “How will I feel about this choice in the long term?”
The more positive it is, the lower the risk that it is self-sabotage.
2. “If I already had the life I want, would this still be just as interesting to me as it is now?”
If the answer is no, then you are self-sabotaging your real wants and looking for emotions elsewhere.
This means that now is the time to pay attention to the rest of your life beyond this:
- the process of reaching your goals: do the chosen goal statements and intermediate results suit you; are there more optimal paths; is this really yours, etc.;
- whether your routine and daily life suit you: how well you recover; whether you ignore your wants outside of work (trying a new hobby, going somewhere and so on), etc.;
- whether there are any fictional destructive categories in your perception that lead you to choices that work against you: truth, guilt, self-esteem, discipline, and others;
- etc.
If you do not set priorities, then after some time you will get used to it and stop getting those emotions from it, which will leave you emotionally drained.
Self-sabotage is a state in which stress makes it harder to see the situation clearly.
To reduce the risk of an unfavorable decision, you can make your choice based on your future state by asking yourself the following questions:
1. “How will I feel about this choice in the long term?”
The more positive it is, the lower the risk that it is self-sabotage.
2. “If I already had the life I want, would this still be just as interesting to me as it is now?”
If the answer is no, then you are self-sabotaging your real wants and looking for emotions elsewhere.
This means that now is the time to pay attention to the rest of your life beyond this:
- the process of reaching your goals: do the chosen goal statements and intermediate results suit you; are there more optimal paths; is this really yours, etc.;
- whether your routine and daily life suit you: how well you recover; whether you ignore your wants outside of work (trying a new hobby, going somewhere and so on), etc.;
- whether there are any fictional destructive categories in your perception that lead you to choices that work against you: truth, guilt, self-esteem, discipline, and others;
- etc.
If you do not set priorities, then after some time you will get used to it and stop getting those emotions from it, which will leave you emotionally drained.